Where to begin....that's the question. My mind is racing with a million different thoughts, and one...which is quite serious...is not at the top of the list. And it probably should be, but right now, we will skip my great fuck up and get into the other things.
Mommy Dearest...
I don't speak to my mother. I haven't for years. I'd see her at occasional family holidays, but even then, I wouldn't say much. To say we are missing that bond is putting it gently. And I'm not guilty about this. Honestly, she shouldn't have had a child. She in no state to be a parent, for numerous reasons. Growing up for me, "normal" was my mom beating the crap out of me over anything and nothing. The Red Sox lost a game, nobody would babysit me so she could go to her Bingo games and feed her gambling addiction, she was in a bad mood, somebody upset her, whatever the reason didn't matter....I was her verbal and physical punching bag. She would spend our money gambling and for a time, I actually believed it was normal thinking and saying "If my mom 'wins' tonight we will get groceries (or I will turn in my money from selling candy, or whatever it was.)" And that's just the start of it. All the details of the things she did, allowed people to do to me, or anything like that at this point aren't important. I lived through it, and it made me who I am. I'm not ashamed of my past and I just hope that one day, a young kid in my situation will realize that they have options. They can turn their life into something at least half way decent, if not great. They can be a good person, and not becoming what they were taught was normal. Either way, like I said, I don't speak to her. And I'm fine with it. Honestly, when people continually bring you down and offer nothing positive, they aren't worth being in your life. It's that simple. If I let her in my life, she would continually bring me down and she is not worth that.
A few years ago, she had a major stroke, and is now in a nursing home. She has partial paralysis, and is in a wheelchair. When it first happened, I went to the hospital. I'm not sure why. I honestly had to sit and consider going. I think more of it was that I didn't want my gram to have to go alone, so I went. The questions were difficult because I didn't know the answers. Was she on medicine? Had she not been feeling well? Etc. I had no idea. Nobody really did. She always had some "major ailment" and therefore, nobody ever took her seriously because it was just an attention getter....or an excuse for her to continue to be lazy. So I haven't been back. I don't ask about her, because truly, I just need to separate myself so I can live my life. From what I understand, nothing has changed. She is still mean and miserable to everybody, even if people do go to visit her. She just bitches or ignores them. And she's still her violent self, physically and verbally abusing the staff members, and trying to harm every roommate she has, either physically or by continually threatening them and their families. So there are lots of problems. My gram called and told me she was recently sent to the psych ward at the hospital because she threatened her latest roommate's family, said she'd kill their children, and light their house on fire. Luckily her paralysis & wheelchair won't allow for this, but the point is the problem. And I feel for the staff and other patients there. It's so sad they have to live through this when they are either trying to help or ailing themselves. It makes me sick.
It's a lot for my gram to take. She also has a life to live. I honestly, don't know why she even bothers going to see her. But for whatever reason, she does. I think she's made friends with staff & other residents and goes to see them. I don't know. It's not like she & my mother were ever close before, but it's her decision. But now I'm trying to step in and figure out what the hell to do. I'm trying to talk to the doctor or social worker and cannot get a call back. I don't know what they can do, and how this will be handled. And I can't seem to get answers. I can understand my gram wanting me to go there because I am probably the one person that has dealt with my mom and her drama the most. And the one she is least likely to pull her bullshit with because she knows that I won't take it and I'm not hurt or intimidated by her. There's nothing she can say or do to me that she hasn't already done. Honestly, I don't want to go or deal with it at all . I say just let her stay there and whatever happens, oh well. It's exactly what she would do to somebody. But for my gram, I'm going to try to figure out something.
The Seizures....
This probably couldn't have been happening at a worst time though. I've been taking seizure medicine for my nocturnal seizures for almost 10 years. But I haven't had a seizure in over 1 1/2 years and I only take half the dosing I used to. After numerous tests the past few weeks, my neurologist has suggested that I can stop the medicine. It's what I wanted for reasons that I'm not going to get into right now....and I'm petrified all of a sudden. There is no answer as to what will happen. I may start having them more, or perhaps during the day even. I may never have one again. Nobody knows the answer and only time will tell. For this reason, I cannot drive for at least 30 days, just in case. Which is fine, except I also can't go to the hospital to deal with mother unless I get a ride, and it's not like I have a lot of friends out here in no man's land. Plus, I need to get a job and not driving makes it hard. But we will survive. It's what I do, and Justin is incredibly supportive, as are my friends and you who read this. I know that stress and lack of sleep are two of the biggest triggers, so as I sit here.....the first night I don't have to take my medicine before bed, I'm worried. I've missed dosing before and I know that I'm just freakin' myself out, but it's scary to me. But I'm going to do it. And I'm going to hope that everything works out well!
So here I sit...writing...clearing my head....trying not to stress out, and right now with the mom situation, finals, not being able to drive, and my other fuck up....it's hard to not stress. But what good does stressing get anybody? So it's all deep breaths for this girl....for a while. And I will sit and hope for the best! And I will also thank you for reading this....letting me get it all out.
Wish me luck!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Friday, May 11, 2012
Not So Extreme Couponing....
In a rare situation, where I had the remote, and
Justin was complacent enough to not fight me for it, I watched Extreme
Couponing. As usual with any program I
watch, he first bitched about how dumb
it was while rolling his eyes like the drama queen he can be when he has to
watch anything I want to watch. (Or when
he can't change between 7 channels during every commercial.) Have you ever seen a man in work boots, with rough hands blackened from working with oil, acting like a diva?? It's quite funny!
After a while, he started seeing the people saving
money and he got interested in the show.
You have to understand that Justin has an odd relationship with
money. He will go into Wal-Mart and
spend $300 without blinking an eye. Yet
at the grocery store, we seriously fight, every time. It always turns into a fight about how much
we spent and how we cannot afford to do this.
(But we can afford to buy fishing gear, random paint/primers, etc for
"projects" that will never even get started nevermind finished, at Wal-Mart
or even worse, a store with tools)
There's really no logic. The cost
of food just disturbs him and gets him all angry and upset. Again, some things it doesn't cross his mind
to waste money on, yet other things get him all fired up. And he's like an old man when it comes to savings,
really cheap items, sales, or heaven forbid....something free. (It's disturbing and I've pretended to not
know him during these times in public.)
Anyway, after watching the show, he decides that I
am now in charge of getting coupons and getting all our groceries for free. (Me, really??!! I'm so lucky!)
I explain to
him a few key issues he's missing from
watching the show:
- 1. The coupon policies are different in every state and every store
- 2. I have a fucking life and don't want to pick through garbage bags on Sunday mornings to find thrown away coupons
- 3. We don't have the cabinet space for the food we actually need, never mind a stockpile.
- 4. These people never have full meals in their carts. Or things to make full meals. Yay. 50 jars of mustard, 42 tubes of toothpaste, 23 boxes of oatmeal, and 67 jars of pickles! Dinner will be awesome this week! Look at all the options! Call me crazy, but I like meat or vegetables thrown in with my mustard/toothpaste/oatmeal mix.
After he nags a bit longer, I buy a paper one
Sunday, look through the coupons versus what's on sale and what we actually BUY
AND USE, and find 2 coupons that will be useful. We are buying a mansion with these savings, I
can feel it!
Don't get me wrong, I understand that you can save
money. I know that you don't have to
devote your entire life to it, and any extra money does help. But I will not go to that extreme and I also know that we will not be getting money back from the grocery store every time we go there.
He whines a bit about how they do it on tv, and blah
blah blah. Then, he decides to be a bit more
reasonable, and says I have to save $100/week with coupons. I tell him he's
being unreasonable, but really I don't care because I'm ignoring him for the
most part. He does have a slight point
when he mentions that since I don't actually work, I have time to do this and I
should. Blah blah blah....fine. I'll do it "soon."
That was over 3 months ago.
He still brings up the issue occasionally, and I
still swear I will look into 'this week.'
Finally, I decide that if I had a wireless printer, I could easily look
for coupons and print them while being parked on my cozy couch. So off I go to buy a new printer. It's a jazzy little combo with scan/fax/copy
and wireless! Woo Hoo. And I had a $50 rebate from buying my
computer, so I only spent about $30 buying my very needed printer. Obviously, when he came home, he didn't
appreciate the printer nearly enough and he told me I was to "return that
thing immediately." I knew this
would happen (and hello I bought it with MY MONEY!), so I had planned
ahead. I hooked it all up, and wandered
the internet looking for coupons for products that we actually buy. I had found a good amount, so after he got
over his rant, I showed him all the 'money' I found and how this printer was
really the reason. He eventually got
over the printer, and that was that.
I was so proud of my coupon findings that I picked
up the Price Chopper ad that we'd had kickin' around for a few days and started
matching up coupons with what was on sale.
I made a neat little list (I love making lists!) and marked which I had
coupons for so I'd be "orgnized."
I then begged, pleaded, nagged, and pretty much forced Justin to come to
Price Chopper immediately so we could go save! This was last Friday.
I wait forever to get a Price Chopper
"card" due to one of those god awful "lottery ladies" holding
up everything. My first "buy"
was coke 12 packs, 4 for $11 with the coupon I had from the ad.
But it said, "3/$12." I
just thought I read it wrong and carried on.
I found a few more things that were "on sale" but not
marked. It was around aisle 7 when I
realized my error. The flyer started the
next day. OOPS. Worse than that was that I had to now tell Justin
this....he does not take it well as I forced him to the store because I was
'nervous about couponing for the first time and it was HIS idea!" (Yes, I used that in my appeal to get him to
come.)
So that didn't end well. Luckily they had some things that overlapped,
so we got a few savings. A very
few. Like $3.50. Woo Hoo.
But I check my coupons now. I have a pretty good idea of what I have in
my little coupon purse, so when making a list, I know if I can save extra
money. I went back today. I never go alone, because as I mentioned, the
grocery prices cause anger from Justin and when I go alone, I get 20 questions
over everything I bought and how I spent so much. Plus, I get distracted easily in the grocery
store and seem to think I'm Betty Crocker and am going to cook amazing home
cooked food 3 meals a day. I tend to buy
things "you should have" just in case....cooking wine, heavy cream,
chicken stock, baking powder being examples.
(In my defense, I have a used few of these things once!)
I decided to go alone and before Justin left for
work I tell him about my plan. He gives
me an $80 budget. I explain that we
haven't been "real" grocery shopping in quite some time. (And I spend $80 going to buy a few quick
things!) He ups my 'allowance' to $140,
then tops off at $160. I'm happy with
that. I can do that. Or I can try like hell. I have coupons dammit! I have a list that I
will not stray from. I know what's on
sale! As I leave the house I grab $300 extra...just in case.
And away I go...I get a bit confused...I mean, the
store brand is technically cheaper, even with the coupon usually and that's
what I usually buy. So now what? I decide to buy name brand stuff, with my
coupon. Some items are on sale and I
have a coupon. I'm so proud. I double check my coupons throughout the
stores, making sure I got the right size and quantities. I'm awesome!
Then I get confused again because I can't do math....but we eat yogurt. A lot of it.
And only Yoplait, except when
Justin gets that greek shit. Yoplait is on
sale and I have a coupon for it. Two
actually! One is for .40 off 6, one is
for .50 off 8. Hmm...which is better? Common sense to most people, but I'm not
sure, and I wonder if they may be equal?
I do the obvious thing, and text Michelle because she can do math and
she explains. All is good. But I end up buying 8 yogurts, so there is a
week's worth and use that one anyway.
Anyhoo...it's a learning process for me.
Off to the checkout I go. My coupons are out, my little card is ready,
and away we go. I watch and get a little
antsy over the ever rising total. Then I
hand in my coupons, and my card. And
poof....the total is $151.81! I'M BELOW
MY BUDGET AT THE GROCERY STORE!!!!!!!
Justin will be so proud! I saved
almost $30 with my coupons and card and got .40 off each gallon of gas. (I think this is good for my first time...and buying only things we actually USE AND NEED!)
I was so excited.
I texted Justin right away to share my great news. An hour passes and I don't hear from
him. I call to ask why he didn't
respond. He hadn't looked at his
phone. So I explain it all to
him....what I bought, how my coupon worked, what it was on sale for, etc. He's driving, so I know he can listen. He says good job! I tell him that if I did so good he should
bring me a bottle of Patron home as a present.
(Thus defeating the savings, but oh well....we'd have gotten it anyway,
so it's a wash)
Halfway through my savings story, I'm cut off....
"I have to go honey, I'm driving. I will talk to you later. Love you."
Click.
And that's all I got. He said he was proud, got bored of listening
to the fact that I, ME, LORIANN, did what somebody told her to do. And he hung up.
Ungrateful is what I would say....jerk! I'm burning all my coupons!!!!!! See what he says next time!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
This really happened! Ugh...some people!
Conveinence stores...ahhh...sometimes the name is a blatant lie.
I run a few errands today, nothing big, as I really wasn't in the mood to be out. But I did want a new book & an iced coffee, so off to the library I went. On a side note, I got Chelsea Handler's "Bang Bang." I've only read 2 chapters, but so far it's hysterical. Being that "Are you there Vodka, it's me Chelsea" was so good, I think this will be too. But back to the point. I run into the Mobile/McDonald's combo on the way home. McDonald's went fairly well. Except watching the manager, with his "food prep" gloves on, opening a door, walking into the "dining area" to call more staff over....then going back to making food with the same gloves on. Eww. But that's a different issue, for a different day. Lucky for me, I only get their iced coffee. Which is damn good if I might say so myself!
Off to grab cigarettes I go....in & out. Or so I thought. Below is what happened, while I'm in line, right behind this woman, and I swear on my life, this is really how it went down. I wish I could have made this shit up!:
Clueless Woman (CW from here on out):
"How do I pay for gas with this??" (She's holding a speedpass)
Clueless Cashier (CC from her on out):
"You can pay at the pump with it."
CW:
"Yes but how?"
CC:
"Umm, I'm not really sure, I mean, I've never used it." (Note, he's a young kid, and I highly doubt he has a credit card yet...it's not like he posesses it, like clueless woman! But he does work there.)
CW:
"Well, what do I do? How do I do it?"
CC:
"There should be instructions on there, or I can do it here for you."
At this point, the line is now 6 people deep, and I'm about to pump this ladies gas for her. She is not at all grasping the concept and everybody in line is annoyed with her stupidity. I do not have a speedpass, but I have pumped gas and there are very clear and simple instructions, so I know how to do it. I can't keep my mouth shut any longer.
Me:
"Just hold it up to the pegasus and it will light up, when it lights up, you are ready to pump your gas. There are also instructions on it."
CW:
"Yes, but it's says "Please pay inside first."
Me:
(mentally: don't kill her, don't kill her!) "It says that because if you are paying cash, you have to pay inside first. You are using your speedpass (which she refers to as 'this thing'), which is just like using a credit card, therefore, you don't have to pay inside because you are paying first. You are just doing it with credit.
CW:
" But I want to use "this thing," and waves it up, like I don't know what she's talking about.
Random guy behind me:
"Miss, she's right, just hold it up. It's very easy. She's right, try it." (We are all going to kill her)
The woman is still staring at us, clearly clueless, as though we don't know what we are dong!
CC:
"I can use that here, and you can pay first if you'd like."
CW:
"But I want to use "this thing"
CC:
"You can. Just tell me how much you want to put in"
CW:
"I don't know. I want to fill it."
CC:
"Well you need to tell me an amount."
CW:
"Fine, just $20 I guess. I think that will fill it." (Apparently she doesn't know gas prices, or just doesn't need any gas and wanted to waste everybody's time for the fuck of it.)
CC:
"What pump are you on?"
CW:
"I don't know." (And she has this look on her face like this is an absurd question)
CC (after figuring it out):
"Just swipe the speedpass over the spot on the credit card machine."
CW:
"But I want to use this thing!!!"
CC:
"You are, and you can. Just swipe it over until it lights up." (She starts waving her speedpass over the screen on the credit card machine, which obviously isn't doing anything.)
Me:
"Miss, right here (and I show her), see the pegasus, we will wave it over." Somehow, I did this without strangling her, because as you probably know, I'm not patient at all and I was really ready to kill her!
Woo Hoo. It lights up! And it's paid.
And 10 minutes of my day (and numerous other people's) day are wasted!
After she walks out, the rest of us collectively sigh, and all begin discussing this. It seems that she was the only one that was clueless, as everybody else easily understood how these worked, even if they didn't have one. What the hell lady?!!!! I just hope next time she goes out in public, her life coach is with her!
I run a few errands today, nothing big, as I really wasn't in the mood to be out. But I did want a new book & an iced coffee, so off to the library I went. On a side note, I got Chelsea Handler's "Bang Bang." I've only read 2 chapters, but so far it's hysterical. Being that "Are you there Vodka, it's me Chelsea" was so good, I think this will be too. But back to the point. I run into the Mobile/McDonald's combo on the way home. McDonald's went fairly well. Except watching the manager, with his "food prep" gloves on, opening a door, walking into the "dining area" to call more staff over....then going back to making food with the same gloves on. Eww. But that's a different issue, for a different day. Lucky for me, I only get their iced coffee. Which is damn good if I might say so myself!
Off to grab cigarettes I go....in & out. Or so I thought. Below is what happened, while I'm in line, right behind this woman, and I swear on my life, this is really how it went down. I wish I could have made this shit up!:
Clueless Woman (CW from here on out):
"How do I pay for gas with this??" (She's holding a speedpass)
Clueless Cashier (CC from her on out):
"You can pay at the pump with it."
CW:
"Yes but how?"
CC:
"Umm, I'm not really sure, I mean, I've never used it." (Note, he's a young kid, and I highly doubt he has a credit card yet...it's not like he posesses it, like clueless woman! But he does work there.)
CW:
"Well, what do I do? How do I do it?"
CC:
"There should be instructions on there, or I can do it here for you."
At this point, the line is now 6 people deep, and I'm about to pump this ladies gas for her. She is not at all grasping the concept and everybody in line is annoyed with her stupidity. I do not have a speedpass, but I have pumped gas and there are very clear and simple instructions, so I know how to do it. I can't keep my mouth shut any longer.
Me:
"Just hold it up to the pegasus and it will light up, when it lights up, you are ready to pump your gas. There are also instructions on it."
CW:
"Yes, but it's says "Please pay inside first."
Me:
(mentally: don't kill her, don't kill her!) "It says that because if you are paying cash, you have to pay inside first. You are using your speedpass (which she refers to as 'this thing'), which is just like using a credit card, therefore, you don't have to pay inside because you are paying first. You are just doing it with credit.
CW:
" But I want to use "this thing," and waves it up, like I don't know what she's talking about.
Random guy behind me:
"Miss, she's right, just hold it up. It's very easy. She's right, try it." (We are all going to kill her)
The woman is still staring at us, clearly clueless, as though we don't know what we are dong!
CC:
"I can use that here, and you can pay first if you'd like."
CW:
"But I want to use "this thing"
CC:
"You can. Just tell me how much you want to put in"
CW:
"I don't know. I want to fill it."
CC:
"Well you need to tell me an amount."
CW:
"Fine, just $20 I guess. I think that will fill it." (Apparently she doesn't know gas prices, or just doesn't need any gas and wanted to waste everybody's time for the fuck of it.)
CC:
"What pump are you on?"
CW:
"I don't know." (And she has this look on her face like this is an absurd question)
CC (after figuring it out):
"Just swipe the speedpass over the spot on the credit card machine."
CW:
"But I want to use this thing!!!"
CC:
"You are, and you can. Just swipe it over until it lights up." (She starts waving her speedpass over the screen on the credit card machine, which obviously isn't doing anything.)
Me:
"Miss, right here (and I show her), see the pegasus, we will wave it over." Somehow, I did this without strangling her, because as you probably know, I'm not patient at all and I was really ready to kill her!
Woo Hoo. It lights up! And it's paid.
And 10 minutes of my day (and numerous other people's) day are wasted!
After she walks out, the rest of us collectively sigh, and all begin discussing this. It seems that she was the only one that was clueless, as everybody else easily understood how these worked, even if they didn't have one. What the hell lady?!!!! I just hope next time she goes out in public, her life coach is with her!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Let's go ride a bike....
Justin has a bike and it made me think of biking myself. It's funny, I haven't rode a bike in many, many years. I used to like it and have tried it previously, but it hurts my knees...A lot. Perhaps it's simply that I don't do it enough and it's a new strain. That makes sense. But I'm not sure if that's fully it because my knees are sort of fucked up anyway. Sometimes they will hurt for weeks at a time. They hurt to bend or fully straighten. I think it's due to the arthritis that is so rampant in my family.
(Some families pass heirlooms, mine passes arthritis....don't judge!)
But either way, being that I live out in Charlton now, and there are numerous places to ride a bike, I started looking for one. I obviously was looking for a used bike as I'm not exactly sure that this idea will work out. It may really hurt my knees too much. Or it may bore me. Whatever, you know how new "exercise" routines go. It happens to everybody. The idea sounds great, but acting on the idea isn't always as easy.
I had looked at Craigslist and found a few options. I wasn't really sure what I was looking for, and some of the sizing confused me. I only knew that I wanted a very affordable bike to TRY my hobby with. My goal was not to get the greatest or best because for all I know it could become a lawn ornament. Oh yes, and it needed to be a mountain bike. The dirt roads surrounding my house are a good place to start, and there is a trail through the woods starting in my backyard, so a mountain bike would be best. Justin was telling me I should make sure it had shocks, and blah blah blah. I wasn't too concerned.
Either way, I decided to post it on facebook, in case anybody had anything kicking around they weren't using and were looking to sell in my (very low) price range. I was quite excited when my friend Brian, who owns the ever delicious BT's Smokehouse, said he had one that I could HAVE for FREE. We discussed it, and although it's not a 'girls' bike, he said it would fit me. The only issue he noted was that it needed a "sprocket." Obviously, I didn't know what that was, but the next day I went to his house and picked up my new (to me) bike. I wasn't really expecting much as it was free and all. But it's quite nice and I was impressed. I think Justin is jealous because he thinks it's cooler than his, which it is! And as for it being a 'boys' bike....I've never quite understood the difference, except that little bar that usually slopes low on a girl bike and straight on a boys bike. On this bike, it is at a slight slope? Maybe that means unisex, bisexual? Who knows. Either way, it fits me nicely and I like it. We found out about the part it needed, and I was very pleased to find that it was only $20, installed! So now I have my new (to me) bike, all fixed up and working. I took it up and down the dirt roads and down the trail a few times and it went well. I enjoyed it and although it hurt my knees a bit, it wasn't bad. I'm excited and actually looking forward to going on bike rides. I want to start slow. Maybe around the neighborhood on these little side roads or down the trails. AFter that, I will move up to a bike path of some sort. I like those "rail trails" that are everywhere now. The idea of riding it on the actual roads scares me. First because I'm not incredibly comfortable with it yet, and second because these roads are all so damn narrow and windy. Around here, you always see people walking, biking, or running on the roads. It freaks me out while I"m driving because when you come around a corner, and someone is there, you really better hope nobody is coming the other way. There's not enough room for all of that traffic on these narrow roads!
So here's to me re-learning to ride a bike. And hopefully enjoying it!
And a special thank you to Brian for giving me a cool bike, out of the kindness of his heart. And for feeding me the kinds of meat that ensure I need to exercise to get the damn fat to go away! If you are ever in the Sturbridge area, I'd highly recommend you go to BT's and try it. But call me first, I want to go too!!!!
(Some families pass heirlooms, mine passes arthritis....don't judge!)
But either way, being that I live out in Charlton now, and there are numerous places to ride a bike, I started looking for one. I obviously was looking for a used bike as I'm not exactly sure that this idea will work out. It may really hurt my knees too much. Or it may bore me. Whatever, you know how new "exercise" routines go. It happens to everybody. The idea sounds great, but acting on the idea isn't always as easy.
I had looked at Craigslist and found a few options. I wasn't really sure what I was looking for, and some of the sizing confused me. I only knew that I wanted a very affordable bike to TRY my hobby with. My goal was not to get the greatest or best because for all I know it could become a lawn ornament. Oh yes, and it needed to be a mountain bike. The dirt roads surrounding my house are a good place to start, and there is a trail through the woods starting in my backyard, so a mountain bike would be best. Justin was telling me I should make sure it had shocks, and blah blah blah. I wasn't too concerned.
Either way, I decided to post it on facebook, in case anybody had anything kicking around they weren't using and were looking to sell in my (very low) price range. I was quite excited when my friend Brian, who owns the ever delicious BT's Smokehouse, said he had one that I could HAVE for FREE. We discussed it, and although it's not a 'girls' bike, he said it would fit me. The only issue he noted was that it needed a "sprocket." Obviously, I didn't know what that was, but the next day I went to his house and picked up my new (to me) bike. I wasn't really expecting much as it was free and all. But it's quite nice and I was impressed. I think Justin is jealous because he thinks it's cooler than his, which it is! And as for it being a 'boys' bike....I've never quite understood the difference, except that little bar that usually slopes low on a girl bike and straight on a boys bike. On this bike, it is at a slight slope? Maybe that means unisex, bisexual? Who knows. Either way, it fits me nicely and I like it. We found out about the part it needed, and I was very pleased to find that it was only $20, installed! So now I have my new (to me) bike, all fixed up and working. I took it up and down the dirt roads and down the trail a few times and it went well. I enjoyed it and although it hurt my knees a bit, it wasn't bad. I'm excited and actually looking forward to going on bike rides. I want to start slow. Maybe around the neighborhood on these little side roads or down the trails. AFter that, I will move up to a bike path of some sort. I like those "rail trails" that are everywhere now. The idea of riding it on the actual roads scares me. First because I'm not incredibly comfortable with it yet, and second because these roads are all so damn narrow and windy. Around here, you always see people walking, biking, or running on the roads. It freaks me out while I"m driving because when you come around a corner, and someone is there, you really better hope nobody is coming the other way. There's not enough room for all of that traffic on these narrow roads!
So here's to me re-learning to ride a bike. And hopefully enjoying it!
And a special thank you to Brian for giving me a cool bike, out of the kindness of his heart. And for feeding me the kinds of meat that ensure I need to exercise to get the damn fat to go away! If you are ever in the Sturbridge area, I'd highly recommend you go to BT's and try it. But call me first, I want to go too!!!!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
The damn garden
The
damn Garden......
Since
most of you haven't been to my house, I will give you a quick background. The couple that lived here for their entire
lives were very into their yard and their gardens. We have tons of land, and looking out over
the patio, you can clearly see 7 large gardening plots. Obviously, these are quite overgrown, but
they are huge, like BIG, squares in the middle of the field and it seems they
go on forever. I don't know what he
grew, but I 'm fairly certain it was enough for the town. There is also another large plot at the top
of the field, and gazillions of planters everywhere. After clearing all the leaves from the
property, we found that there are plants and flowers growing everywhere! It's insane!
This man must have spent all day, everyday gardening. And clearly, he was good at it because they
are still growing strong, without any help from us. We even have scallions already! Now that we know they are there, we've been
caring for them, and also have opted to plant a few flowers ourselves......in
what few spots we could find that didn't already have things growing! Or I decided to plant some flowers....Justin
said he'd help, but he has since decided that he doesn't care about my flowers
and only the vegetables matter. Either
way, the yard is starting to look pretty and I'm excited to see what it will
look like once everything is in full bloom.
I'm not excited to see what this will do to my allergies, but that's
another issue.
But
onto the garden.....
Justin
really wanted a garden. He was so damn
excited of all the things we will grow and I'm fairly sure that deep in his
head he has a vision of a farm and us living off our land and the animals we
have. (Note that this will NEVER happen,
but he can have a fantasy!) I've never
grown anything in my life and I've actually killed a cactus, so this wasn't
something I was incredibly excited about, but I went along with it.
You may think that since this is our first
garden, we'd start small, since that would be the logical thing. You may also think that since there are only
two of us, we really don't need a massive garden. If you think these things, you are like
me. Logical. But that's not what's happening here. Justin has this "go big or go home"
thing going on in his head and he cannot walk by a damn seed display without
questioning if we already have it, and if not, buying some seeds. Even when I say we already have the vegetable
in question, his new habit is to buy more anyway, because clearly we need a
FARM, not just your average everyday garden.
So we
started off with seeds. I was assigned
the task of planting them in their mini pots to get them started. It begin with just a few little planters,
sitting on our sun porch. Then we got
that nice hot spell....and they began sprouting. This led to elation on Justin's part. Once he saw even the smallest bit of success,
he went crazy. We now have gazillions of
mini pots with mini seeds, sprouting away.
Being that we have a large, sunny patio, they are now lined on the
edges, all around the patio, peacefully basking in the sun all day and growing
along nicely.
But
he's insane. Have I mentioned
that?? He insists on moving the mini
pots 3x per day. (Or I should say, he insists that I do this every
day while he is at work or otherwise not here to do them!) They must always be
directly in the sun's rays. It is not
okay if there are in the sun, but the sun is not directly beating on them. 98% sunlight is not good enough for these babies.
And
boy do we have things growing. I didn't
expect them to be so successful, so some of these mini planters had a few seeds
in them. FAIL. I've been scolded that they are going to
choke each other. He has tried to
replant every single seed so it's alone, while telling me that I should have
known that fact. (Umm...hello, I said I
had NO IDEA what I was doing and I did what you told me to do when I asked how
dammit!) But anyway, he waters them
daily and I'm sure he has conversation with them. Some have names too. (I wish I was joking!) He checks the
temperature for the evenings and if it's going to get too chilly, then ALL get
brought inside. Some nights he decides
this around 1am, and off he goes. Then I get the joy of putting them all back
outside in the morning. In the exact
spot for their morning sunbathing. Until
it's time to move them. Then move them
again. I've tried explaining that when
they are in the ground, they are not going to be moved every time the sun
moves, but it's pointless.
And
about the ground they are going in....yea....well, the leaves and twigs are
gone. But that's about it. When exactly will the "garden" be
ready for the plants I wonder?
(Hopefully, for the sake of the plants, it will be quicker than the
building of my bookcase......he bought the wood 3 months ago!)
But I
can tell you this....we are going to have a freakin' farmers market at our
house all summer, so please, come over and bring a bag! We have so many damn tomato plants it's
scary, especially since I don't even eat them and I worry he will turn into a
tomato after this summer.
Either
way, it keeps him happy. I even got him
a book from the library to answer his questions since he continually asks me
things....even though I have made it clear that I know nothing about gardens! He won't look at the book though, apparently,
once you get sprouts you are a master gardener and don't need a book. Hmmmm....we will see how that all works out!
So
here's to the garden. The obnoxiously
large garden. And for aiming high! Go garden go!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Moving forward.....maybe?
As you may or may not know, Justin has a son, Hylan from a previous relationship. He's a great little 4 year old, but Justin doesn't get to see him very often. And I've heard all the bad stories about his ex and I've witnessed some of the text or messages that she's left him. It's an all around sad situation because there is a little boy in the middle. Being that I grew up in the middle of a similar situation, it hurts me to see. I feel like neither one of them is willing to compromise and therefore they don't get anywhere. But I also know that everybody has stories, and honestly, I don't care to be in the middle of them. I don't really listen when people are going on and on about her because I wasn't there and therefore, I know that parts could easily be missing from the story. That's how I treat everyone....or try to....stories are just stories to me. Unless I saw it myself first hand, I'm not going to form my opinion based on them. So to me, I tried to go into this was a clean slate.
This weekend, I decided to give it a try. For me to talk to Jenn is easier because I don't have all the emotional baggage involved. I talked with her for a long time and explained that we'd love to have him over for a night, or just the day if that's all she was comfortable with. I heard every bad thing that's ever happened between her and Justin and although I didn't care to, it was part of the process, which is fine. I believe that there are two sides to every story and I also believe that everybody makes mistakes. But to me, the only way to move on is to let the past go and look forward. So that was the stance I took.
I could understand that she wanted to meet me as I was going to be around her son, and if it were me in that situation, I'd want to meet the other person too. So I met with her, and talked to her and got her to allow Hylan to come visit for what turned out to be Saturday afternoon through Monday afternoon. I showed her his bedroom, and that the house was safe. I assured her that I'd keep in touch to let her know how he was doing. And I did. I sent her a few texts telling her what he was doing. I sent a few pictures of him having fun. I let Hylan call her if he said he missed her. And everything went really well. I went and picked him up and also was the only one home when she came to get him. To me, it made the most sense since Justin & her don't accomplish much except fighting.
He's a great little boy and although I've heard about the past, I've also found that everybody will agree that she did a damn good job raising her son. He's incredibly polite, listens well, eats veggies and fruit for snacks by choice, and is very smart and imaginative. I was a little worried that he'd be scared or wouldn't have fun since we don't have a kid set up at our house, but it all went well. Justin took him fishing and he caught a fish! We rented movies at night before bedtime. He had fun playing in the yard and just running around exploring everything, and he made friends with the two kids across the street who came over and played with him.
And yes, I was paranoid the entire time. He'd run on the concrete patio and I had the visions of him cracking his head open as I once did. But I'd ask him to come to the grass and play and he would. I was worried that when it was time to eat, he would be fussy and not eat anything that we had. I was also wrong. He ate dinner with us and even asked for more broccoli! I was worried that there was going to be a tantrum at some point, but he never once even came close. Bedtime scared me too. Obviously he was in a new place and I was worried he would be scared to sleep, or just not want to because he was excited. But he had calmed down during the movie, and at bed time he jumped right in bed with his little animals all around him and fell asleep. He was sleeping in what was my old bed. A big queen size bed. I was scared because it's a really high bed. So to calm my own nerves, I took off couch cushions and put them on the floor around the bed. But he barely even moved from his spot! And he didn't wake up at 6 am as I had feared, which was another nice bonus! (Note that the first night Justin & I whispered for the rest of the night and every noise we heard we tip toed over to his room to check on him!!)
I was shocked and very pleased with how well everything went. I was worried there would be some awkward moments, but there weren't. He told me stories and talked about his life and his mom. It was really nice to see him and I enjoyed it all. It was made clear that discussing anything bad between her & Justin wasn't ok with me. Sometimes we had to come up with creative answers when he'd ask why he couldn't come over more. I hope that he can, and that's what I told him.
Honestly, he's a great little boy and I hope that this is a step in the right direction. We enjoyed having him around and want to buy some toys for him, but it's hard right now because we don't know if he can come back. I hope he can. I hope that everybody can move forward because no matter what the situation, I can guarantee that she could use a break sometimes. He's full of energy and I was exhausted after having him here. I know that she must get exhausted too. And we can give her that break. She can have some free time, go out, have fun, do things that aren't kid friendly, and we can get to see Hylan. It seems a win for everybody. I really hope it works out.
This weekend, I decided to give it a try. For me to talk to Jenn is easier because I don't have all the emotional baggage involved. I talked with her for a long time and explained that we'd love to have him over for a night, or just the day if that's all she was comfortable with. I heard every bad thing that's ever happened between her and Justin and although I didn't care to, it was part of the process, which is fine. I believe that there are two sides to every story and I also believe that everybody makes mistakes. But to me, the only way to move on is to let the past go and look forward. So that was the stance I took.
I could understand that she wanted to meet me as I was going to be around her son, and if it were me in that situation, I'd want to meet the other person too. So I met with her, and talked to her and got her to allow Hylan to come visit for what turned out to be Saturday afternoon through Monday afternoon. I showed her his bedroom, and that the house was safe. I assured her that I'd keep in touch to let her know how he was doing. And I did. I sent her a few texts telling her what he was doing. I sent a few pictures of him having fun. I let Hylan call her if he said he missed her. And everything went really well. I went and picked him up and also was the only one home when she came to get him. To me, it made the most sense since Justin & her don't accomplish much except fighting.
He's a great little boy and although I've heard about the past, I've also found that everybody will agree that she did a damn good job raising her son. He's incredibly polite, listens well, eats veggies and fruit for snacks by choice, and is very smart and imaginative. I was a little worried that he'd be scared or wouldn't have fun since we don't have a kid set up at our house, but it all went well. Justin took him fishing and he caught a fish! We rented movies at night before bedtime. He had fun playing in the yard and just running around exploring everything, and he made friends with the two kids across the street who came over and played with him.
And yes, I was paranoid the entire time. He'd run on the concrete patio and I had the visions of him cracking his head open as I once did. But I'd ask him to come to the grass and play and he would. I was worried that when it was time to eat, he would be fussy and not eat anything that we had. I was also wrong. He ate dinner with us and even asked for more broccoli! I was worried that there was going to be a tantrum at some point, but he never once even came close. Bedtime scared me too. Obviously he was in a new place and I was worried he would be scared to sleep, or just not want to because he was excited. But he had calmed down during the movie, and at bed time he jumped right in bed with his little animals all around him and fell asleep. He was sleeping in what was my old bed. A big queen size bed. I was scared because it's a really high bed. So to calm my own nerves, I took off couch cushions and put them on the floor around the bed. But he barely even moved from his spot! And he didn't wake up at 6 am as I had feared, which was another nice bonus! (Note that the first night Justin & I whispered for the rest of the night and every noise we heard we tip toed over to his room to check on him!!)
I was shocked and very pleased with how well everything went. I was worried there would be some awkward moments, but there weren't. He told me stories and talked about his life and his mom. It was really nice to see him and I enjoyed it all. It was made clear that discussing anything bad between her & Justin wasn't ok with me. Sometimes we had to come up with creative answers when he'd ask why he couldn't come over more. I hope that he can, and that's what I told him.
Honestly, he's a great little boy and I hope that this is a step in the right direction. We enjoyed having him around and want to buy some toys for him, but it's hard right now because we don't know if he can come back. I hope he can. I hope that everybody can move forward because no matter what the situation, I can guarantee that she could use a break sometimes. He's full of energy and I was exhausted after having him here. I know that she must get exhausted too. And we can give her that break. She can have some free time, go out, have fun, do things that aren't kid friendly, and we can get to see Hylan. It seems a win for everybody. I really hope it works out.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Do you "get" music??
Today is a good day!
I love having good days! Who doesn't?
And it's the little things. The smallest things make me the happiest, and I think it's true for most people. Unfortunately, I think that sometimes we get so caught up in everyday life, stress, whatever and we don't realize the small things that make such a difference.
Music to me is one of those small things that has the ability to make my mood go from bad to good so quickly. I love that music plays such a great role in my life. I sometimes meet a person that doesn't listen to music, or maybe does, but doesn't "get it." It always saddens me. I honestly feel bad for these people.
I was driving today, running errands, nothing too exciting. But it was a nice day and I absolutely love driving, by myself, with my music. The day was nice enough to have the windows cracked, and the sun was nice & bright making it warm enough to be comfortable in the car with the window open. I love days like this.
I'm a radio person. A BIG FAN OF RADIO. I get that there are great CD's out there that are great, I own them. I get that you can customize your IPod to play only songs you like, I have that too. But to me, sometimes, radio is the best. Especially on a day like today. I can switch stations and be overwhelmed by song after song. The great ones I haven't heard in a while, the ones that bring back all those memories. The switch from a new song that is great, to an old song from high school, to a song from when you were a kid, to a song that makes you think of your best friend, and then...a song to make you think of your grampa. You get the point!
I heard a song today and I truly smiled like a little kid through the whole thing. It wasn't so much the song, it was the memories that the song brought back. I remember dancing my little butt off watching my favorite bands play that song. I thought of friends I haven't seen in a while, friends that were once part of the weekend party crew! The girls that went to see every show of the certain cover bands that we LOVED. (And that mind you are still amazing and going strong, but I just sadly haven't seen in a while!) I love seeing live bands. It's probably my favorite thing to do if I go out at night! My friend Liz came to so many of these shows with me. Never in Vegas and Darik & the Funbags were the best. Liz & I would go to the bars, dance all night, bouncing around, having fun, enjoying every minute. And certain songs bring me right back to those days. She is amazingly fun and there was never drama when we went out. We went to have a good time. And we did! And I'm so happy that I can be brought back to that time so quickly, just by pressing a button on the radio and having a certain song come on.
I also heard one of those great songs that makes you want to drive fast! AC/DC Thunderstruck was the one this time, but almost all Motley Crue has the same effect on me. And so, so many others....but I won't make an insane list! Thunderstruck came crashing through my speakers, filling my car with amazing sounds, and making me tap my foot, shake my head, and "air drum" on the steering wheel. It was great. (I looked super cool! LOL) Except the damn person in front of me going 25....what the hell....Thunderstruck is NOT a 25 mph song buddy! (He just didn't get it!)
Lastly, I pulled up to Wal-Mart...windows still down, lovingly singing along..."I waaannnttt yooouuuuu to wwannnnnttt mmmeeeee" I was so into it. I didn't quite realize that I pulled into a spot, with the windows down, singing along (cuz I sound AMAZING in my car!), and there was a car next to me. And they were waiting for somebody....3 of them to be exact. With their windows down too!! Oops! But I got out of the car and they looked over, and said, "It's a great song!" I just shook my head and said, "Yes, it is, sorry about that....I was just really into it!" And I was so happy that they simply said, "It's what you do to a song like that!" They get it. THEY GET MUSIC. I don't know them. But I already like them!
I love people that "get" music. People that know a song can make the day better. People that know a song can randomly come on and suddenly you realize you are crying.....because of the emotion of the song....maybe the memories.....good or bad. People that hear a song and have to start dancing around no matter where they are, be it the car or the grocery store, because it's that good!
To all of you music lovers....rock on....and when you see me in my car, singing along and dancing like an idiot by myself.....I expect you to give me the nod, be jealous even,...wondering what I'm listening to that's so great!
You know you do this too!! What song does it for you?
I love having good days! Who doesn't?
And it's the little things. The smallest things make me the happiest, and I think it's true for most people. Unfortunately, I think that sometimes we get so caught up in everyday life, stress, whatever and we don't realize the small things that make such a difference.
Music to me is one of those small things that has the ability to make my mood go from bad to good so quickly. I love that music plays such a great role in my life. I sometimes meet a person that doesn't listen to music, or maybe does, but doesn't "get it." It always saddens me. I honestly feel bad for these people.
I was driving today, running errands, nothing too exciting. But it was a nice day and I absolutely love driving, by myself, with my music. The day was nice enough to have the windows cracked, and the sun was nice & bright making it warm enough to be comfortable in the car with the window open. I love days like this.
I'm a radio person. A BIG FAN OF RADIO. I get that there are great CD's out there that are great, I own them. I get that you can customize your IPod to play only songs you like, I have that too. But to me, sometimes, radio is the best. Especially on a day like today. I can switch stations and be overwhelmed by song after song. The great ones I haven't heard in a while, the ones that bring back all those memories. The switch from a new song that is great, to an old song from high school, to a song from when you were a kid, to a song that makes you think of your best friend, and then...a song to make you think of your grampa. You get the point!
I heard a song today and I truly smiled like a little kid through the whole thing. It wasn't so much the song, it was the memories that the song brought back. I remember dancing my little butt off watching my favorite bands play that song. I thought of friends I haven't seen in a while, friends that were once part of the weekend party crew! The girls that went to see every show of the certain cover bands that we LOVED. (And that mind you are still amazing and going strong, but I just sadly haven't seen in a while!) I love seeing live bands. It's probably my favorite thing to do if I go out at night! My friend Liz came to so many of these shows with me. Never in Vegas and Darik & the Funbags were the best. Liz & I would go to the bars, dance all night, bouncing around, having fun, enjoying every minute. And certain songs bring me right back to those days. She is amazingly fun and there was never drama when we went out. We went to have a good time. And we did! And I'm so happy that I can be brought back to that time so quickly, just by pressing a button on the radio and having a certain song come on.
I also heard one of those great songs that makes you want to drive fast! AC/DC Thunderstruck was the one this time, but almost all Motley Crue has the same effect on me. And so, so many others....but I won't make an insane list! Thunderstruck came crashing through my speakers, filling my car with amazing sounds, and making me tap my foot, shake my head, and "air drum" on the steering wheel. It was great. (I looked super cool! LOL) Except the damn person in front of me going 25....what the hell....Thunderstruck is NOT a 25 mph song buddy! (He just didn't get it!)
Lastly, I pulled up to Wal-Mart...windows still down, lovingly singing along..."I waaannnttt yooouuuuu to wwannnnnttt mmmeeeee" I was so into it. I didn't quite realize that I pulled into a spot, with the windows down, singing along (cuz I sound AMAZING in my car!), and there was a car next to me. And they were waiting for somebody....3 of them to be exact. With their windows down too!! Oops! But I got out of the car and they looked over, and said, "It's a great song!" I just shook my head and said, "Yes, it is, sorry about that....I was just really into it!" And I was so happy that they simply said, "It's what you do to a song like that!" They get it. THEY GET MUSIC. I don't know them. But I already like them!
I love people that "get" music. People that know a song can make the day better. People that know a song can randomly come on and suddenly you realize you are crying.....because of the emotion of the song....maybe the memories.....good or bad. People that hear a song and have to start dancing around no matter where they are, be it the car or the grocery store, because it's that good!
To all of you music lovers....rock on....and when you see me in my car, singing along and dancing like an idiot by myself.....I expect you to give me the nod, be jealous even,...wondering what I'm listening to that's so great!
You know you do this too!! What song does it for you?
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