School Vacation, Snow Days, and Unreasonable Parents

I'm supposed to write my "part 2" story today....but I don't feel it right now and the only way for me to write it is to "feel it."  I will get to it though, I promise.  Thanks for your interest. 

Here is what is on my mind today....school vacation, snow days, and parent's inability to be pleased (or so it seems from some of what I've seen today!)  I have an incredible urge to comment every time I see one of the posts where people are just bitching without offering a solution to the problem.  I want to tell people that if they really believe the entire school system is "stupid" and they have a better solution, they should get their kids out of that school system and start their own.  But I'm not a huge fan of arguing over any social media site so I don't say anything.  I just write about it on my own page! 

I've read and heard numerous times about school districts considering cancelling April Vacation to make up for some of the snow days so that kids won't be in school so long at the end of the year.  From what I understand, whether it's cancelled or the schedule is kept the same, parents just aren't going to be happy.  It makes sense; plans are made, vacations are booked, child care is planned....I get it, I really do.  But what I do not understand is what parent's think is the solution.  I've yet to find anybody that has a solution that can please everybody because there isn't one.  Some people already have plans for April vacation, so cancelling it would affect their plans.  Some parents have plans for the middle of June and the extra days in school are going to affect those plans.  There are many people affected by this, but the fact that so many people are being totally unreasonable about it is what has caught my eye.   One of my absolute favorites about this is a variation of this comment:

"It will be way too hot for the kids in school in June.  They cannot handle that without air conditioning."

Ok, maybe I'm wrong here, but um...it's New England, it's summer....many millions of children have lived through the month of June IN THEIR HOUSES....WITHOUT AIR CONDITIONING...IN 4 DECKER APARTMENT BUILDINGS and they lived.  All of them.  Hell, it's not like it's August when shit gets real hot and nasty around here.  Seriously?  Your kid won't make it in a classroom without air conditioning?  Does your kid play outside in the summer, you know, when it's hot??  Or do you follow them around with an air conditioner?

"Great, now my kids will have no summer vacation."

What??  There are still like 8 weeks where they won't be in school, and 90% of parents are going to be totally frustrated by their "bored" kids after the second week.  These same parents will be complaining that they "Can't wait for school to start again" in mid-July. 

The other part of this that makes me laugh is what was posted during all the snow this winter.    

 I feel like people are forgetting that the superintendent of the school is a human being too.  A human who can only make a decision based on the information that he/she is given at any time.  And since we all live in New England, we should all be fully aware of the fact that the weather is pretty hard to predict.  Storms are often hit or miss and where you live in this state plays a big part of that. 

Here's what I've seen myself and what I think about it:

"What the hell? They cancelled school again? We didn't even get much snow!"

Yet, the forecast called for 6-10 inches and it was snowing at the time when the superintendent had to make the call to cancel or not.....I assume most superintendents aren't psychic and all they can go on is the information that they get from the weather reports.  Maybe at 8am they should have updated everybody that there actually is going to be school because the storm turned east and went offshore?  Is that easier to handle?

"It's snowing out there so bad right now.  I almost crashed my car getting the kids to school today.  What kind of idiot doesn't cancel school on a day like today?"

The poor guy was probably sitting at home, reading the thousands of angry emails he got from parents the previous week when he did cancel school and said "Fuck it.  They get pissed off if we cancel school as a precaution when the weather report says we are getting 8" so I guess we will have school so all the parents are happy."  But they weren't then either.  Poor Guy!

Obviously not everybody is handling this as badly as I explained above.  Most people are fairly reasonable and understand that the school systems are making the best decision that they can right now.  But there are always those people that are totally unreasonable and I just cannot understand how they can be like that. 

What do you  think?  Can you solve this great crisis??

Discipline isn't a bad thing

The issue of discipline children is one that will always be debated as each family has their own ways of doing things and disciplining in ways that they feel works best.  And that's all fine and dandy.  I personally, was abused as a child, and therefore, I don't believe in hitting kids.  Another reason is that I think that what starts as "small spankings" can easily turn into more when it's one of those days where you are stressed, tired, sick, the kid is just being a terror all day, or whatever.  I think that even people with the best intentions, may one day cross a line that makes them uncomfortable.  But this doesn't in any way mean that I don't believe in discipline.  I think that kids need to understand right  & wrong, and they need to know that if they misbehave, privileges will be taken away or there will be some repercussion for their behavior.  Most of these beliefs that I have come from my own childhood, the gazillion things I've read regarding this, the 'mommy' blogs that I've always loved reading for some reason, "SuperNanny," and things I've witnessed myself from my friends. And no, I sure as hell do not think that I know everything.  And I also know that I will fuck it up when I have my own kids. 

Hylan is really good most of the time.  He listens well.  But he also gets one warning when he's doing something wrong.  And only one warning.  The next time he does it, he's done.  Whatever I said will happen, happens.  And yes, I feel guilty. And I actually hate doing it.  Especially because he generally will then do a mini tantrum.  Run into his room (put himself in time out I guess?! lol), cry, stomp around, come and tell me I'm mean or why I'm wrong or why he wants whatever he wanted, and then it ends.  And we talk about it and we hug and move on.  Did I mention I feel guilty every time?  I do.  I feel like I'm being strict and that he will hate me.  I try to be logical and know that it's helping him.  He needs to learn that there is good and bad, that everything in life won't be his way, that bad behavior or hitting somebody isn't tolerated, etc.   I've found that after a very long day of playing, around 6pm is usually his breaking point.  He gets whiny, and something usually causes a tantrum.  Yesterday, he was playing with the neighbor Devon and Devon suggested a game other than the "Zombies vs whatever" that Hylan wants to play ALL DAY EVERY DAY.  Devon was good, and kept playing with him, he really is a great kid! But eventually he said let's play "whatever" and Hylan walked up to him, pushed him, hit him, and screamed "No." 

I immediately said, "You're done Hylan" and we were going inside.  I had told him already to play nice since he'd already started whining.  So I had my first experience pulling a child from under the outdoor patio table, while he's screaming bloody murder and crying.  It was a good time.  I took him in the house and his little fit lasted about 1 minute.  Then he came out to talk.  We had a nice long talk about hitting as his mom had said he hit her boyfriend too.  I told him he needed to say sorry to Devon next time he saw him.  I explained that people don't like to play with people that hit them.  All that good stuff.  And he's ready to apologize and is hoping Devon will forgive him.  Which I know he will.  (Oh, and did I mention that during all of this, Justin was in the garden, in hearing distance, but didn't once come over!!!  Different story for a different day!  Leaving me to be the "mean" one as I was called!)

But either way, I think this works best.  And the whole point of this writing is actually about what happened when we went to get ice cream.  We were in the place, looking at flavors.  There was a young kid with his gram and mom, and the boy was whining.  There were about 4-5 other people waiting to order.  Then the boy went into a full on fit because of something to do with his ice cream.  This kid was so bad that a few people just walked out.  The staff were just standing there because the mother insisted that her son "use his words" instead of screaming.  This wasn't working.  It was holding up the line and the kid just screamed louder and louder.  And yes, it's probably happened to everybody and one day will happen to me.  But here's the part I don't agree with....and also why I think the child probably acted like a 2 year old when he was clearly 6 or 7...The mother said at least 10 times, "If you don't use your words you won't get ice cream" or "If you don't stop, you won't get ice cream."  This ice cream was already on the counter in front of him.  Apparently the issue was that the cone was also in a cup because it was too soft for a cone only.  He only wanted a cone.  And on and on it went.  The mother never followed up on anything.  The little boy knew he could scream until he got his way.  The gram eventually was scooping the ice cream into the cone to hand him the cone like he wanted.  He still got his ice cream.  And all of this went on while they were paying. 

And we all watched.  Even Hylan noticed it.  And I can promise you, that if that was my child, the ice cream would have gone in the trash (if already made) or cancelled if not.  We would have been out that damn door faster than the speed of light.  And he would not have gotten ice cream, that's a fact.  Does this make me mean?  God, I hope not.  But there probably are people who think that it does.  And that's fine.  I don't want to ever raise children who think screaming gets them anything.  Does anybody?

I just don't get it.  I don't think the kid was bad...the parents were.  Obviously they allow this behavior and will continue to give him whatever he wants, so why should he bother not doing it?  He clearly knows that a tantrum gets him what he wants.  It's quite sad.   And these people probably started off before kids, like me, thinking they'd get it right...so where did it go wrong?!!  I hope it doesn't ever happen to me. 

As usual everybody, thank you for reading!  You can leave me comments and make my day! You can also follow my blog and if so, I believe you get an email when I write something.  I really appreciate the comments I've gotten lately.  So many people were kind and wrote a lot after the last one.  Most were emails, texts, or fb messages.  But you can leave them here too!  Try it out!

Moving forward.....maybe?

As you may or may not know, Justin has a son, Hylan from a previous relationship.  He's a great little 4 year old, but Justin doesn't get to see him very often.  And I've heard all the bad stories about his ex and I've witnessed some of the text or messages that she's left him. It's an all around sad situation because there is a little boy in the middle.  Being that I grew up in the middle of a similar situation, it hurts me to see.  I feel like neither one of them is willing to compromise and therefore they don't get anywhere.  But I also know that everybody has stories, and honestly, I don't care to be in the middle of them.  I don't really listen when people are going on and on about her because I wasn't there and therefore, I know that parts could easily be missing from the story.  That's how I treat everyone....or try to....stories are just stories to me.  Unless I saw it myself first hand, I'm not going to form my opinion based on them.  So to me, I tried to go into this was a clean slate.
This weekend, I decided to give it a try.  For me to talk to Jenn is easier because I don't have all the emotional baggage involved.  I talked with her for a long time and explained that we'd love to have him over for a night, or just the day if that's all she was comfortable with.  I heard every bad thing that's ever happened between her and Justin and although I didn't care to, it was part of the process, which is fine.  I believe that there are two sides to every story and I also believe that everybody makes mistakes.  But to me, the only way to move on is to let the past go and look forward.  So that was the stance I took.  


I could understand that she wanted to meet me as I was going to be around her son, and if it were me in that situation, I'd want to meet the other person too.  So I met with her, and talked to her and got her to allow Hylan to come visit for what turned out to be Saturday afternoon through Monday afternoon.  I showed her his bedroom, and that the house was safe.  I assured her that I'd keep in touch to let her know how he was doing.  And I did.  I sent her a few texts telling her what he was doing.  I sent a few pictures of him having fun. I let Hylan call her if he said he missed her.  And everything went really well.  I went and picked him up and also was the only one home when she came to get him.  To me, it made the most sense since Justin  & her don't accomplish much except fighting.  


He's a great little boy and although I've heard about the past, I've also found that everybody will agree that she did a damn good job raising her son.  He's incredibly polite, listens well, eats veggies and fruit for snacks by choice, and is very smart and imaginative. I was a little worried that he'd be scared or wouldn't have fun since we don't have a kid set up at our house, but it all went well.  Justin took him fishing and he caught a fish! We rented movies at night before bedtime.  He had fun playing in the yard and just running around exploring everything, and he made friends with the two kids across the street who came over and played with him.  
And yes, I was paranoid the entire time.  He'd run on the concrete patio and I had the visions of him cracking his head open as I once did.  But I'd ask him to come to the grass and play and he would.  I was worried that when it was time to eat, he would be fussy and not eat anything that we had.  I was also wrong.  He ate dinner with us and even asked for more broccoli!  I was worried that there was going to be a tantrum at some point, but he never once even came close.  Bedtime scared me too.  Obviously he was in a new place and I was worried he would be scared to sleep, or just not want to because he was excited.  But he had calmed down during the movie, and at bed time he jumped right in bed with his little animals all around him and fell asleep.  He was sleeping in what was my old bed.  A big queen size bed.  I was scared because it's a really high bed.  So to calm my own nerves, I took off couch cushions and put them on the floor around the bed.  But he barely even moved from his spot! And he didn't wake up at 6 am as I had feared, which was another nice bonus! (Note that the first night Justin & I whispered for the rest of the night and every noise we heard we tip toed over to his room to check on him!!)


I was shocked and very pleased with how well everything went.  I was worried there would be some awkward moments, but there weren't.  He told me stories and talked about his life and his mom.  It was really nice to see him and I enjoyed it all.  It was made clear that discussing anything bad between her & Justin wasn't ok with me. Sometimes we had to come up with creative answers when he'd ask why he couldn't come over more.  I hope that he can, and that's what I told him.  


Honestly, he's a great little boy and I hope that this is a step in the right direction.  We enjoyed having him around and want to buy some toys for him, but it's hard right now because we don't know if he can come back.  I hope he can.  I hope that everybody can move forward because no matter what the situation, I can guarantee that she could use a break sometimes.  He's full of energy and I was exhausted after having him here.  I know that she must get exhausted too.  And we can give her that break.  She can have some free time, go out, have fun, do things that aren't kid friendly, and we can get to see Hylan.  It seems a win for everybody.  I really hope it works out.