Video Games, Dressing Rooms, and 5 year old words of wisdom!

Hylan was here for a good part of last week because of school vacation.  We had a good time, and for the most part everything went well.  He got a bit sad when Justin finally came home on Friday after work and then got another call and had to leave again.  Hylan is so excited when his dad gets home and loves playing with him.  As much as I play and interact with him all day, I'm just not as cool as his dad.  It made me sad when Hylan cried because dad had to stop playing with him and go back to work.  He's at an age where he can't fully understand they "why" and I did my best to explain it.  During the day we had gone shopping and out to lunch, and I explained that for us to do those things, dad had to work and earn the money.  He kind of understood it, at least as much as he can, and calmed down.  Luckily Justin's call was close by and he wasn't gone very long.

I absolutely love talking with Hylan and spending our days together.  The things he says really make me smile and the innocence in what he says is beautiful.  And often hysterical. 

Here are a few favorites from Hylan:

While watching me put on makeup, which he does every day:  "You don't want to put on too much because then you look like a clown, and you don't want to look like a clown unless you have a funny hat too, right?"

He helps me pick out which colors to wear for eye shadow, which perfume for the day, and which outfit I should wear.  He also really prefers my hair when it's down and I put "Jello" in it because I look much prettier.  (His dad doesn't quite love the idea of him learning about makeup & hair so in depth, but I think the time and interaction together is most important, no matter what the topic is!)

While in the dressing room with me when I was shopping for a new pair of skinny jeans since mine are all too big now and aren't tight like they should be:   Loud Giggles, then "It's so funny how you have to jump up and down to get those pants on.  Giggle Giggle"

Thanks buddy, I was really hoping every other person in the dressing room knew that my pants wouldn't fit over my ass unless I hopped a bit to get them up!  But dammit, they look great and fit great and I bought them! Bonus points for the running commentary of the entire dressing room process.  People were wondering if the pattern on my underwear was cool (it was), if you could see my butt in the other mirror (you could), and if my tattoos looked colorful (they do!)

While telling me a story about how he knows that you shouldn't show your butt to anybody, he says, "I shouldn't show my butt in school right, because then I'd be abareassed?"  His version of embarrassed perfectly sounded like a bare assed and I tried like hell to not laugh and just help him say it correctly.  But he was actually correct in what he said too, he would be bare assed.

We had a fun week.  One day we went to my work and got a corn dog because he loves them.  Hylan is quite fascinated by my boss Brian, and he is somehow his new favorite person.  He told me that Brian is his best friend, and he loves him 100.  But have no fear, he loves me 107 because I take care of him!  Funny he said that though because as we were driving home with our corn dog, I was saying how big it was and was worried about him being able to eat it all.  He told me had plenty of room in his belly, which made me realize I hadn't fed him breakfast.  OOPS!  But look at that, I still got the extra 7 points for "taking care of him!" Even if I can't remember to feed him.

I'm still working on the video game battle.  I'm so up in the air about it.  I really think he's too young to have the DS attached to him at all times.  When he's at home with his mother, he can play video games all day and all night.  I don't like that idea and I feel like he should be doing other things that engage him more.  I try to have him look through books daily, color, and play other games besides just video games.  I want him to do things that help him learn and exercise his brain.  I use video games as a treat for him, or sometimes for me....when I need a break and need to accomplish something in peace.  I know he will leave me alone for a while if he's playing.  But that's also why I hate them so much.  He gets so entranced by them that he's oblivious to everything else.  Then I also contradict myself if Justin is home.  When he is here and plays video games WITH Hylan, I feel like that is better.  I don't know though.  To me, the fact that they are interacting with one another, showing each other things and strategizing, and just spending time together is better than when Hylan is playing alone.  I don't know though....I still would prefer if he was spending more time doing other activities.  I think it will be better in the summer.  We are pretty good about going outside still, even if it is cold, because well...he's a kid and kids play outside.   But it's been pretty cold, so we don't stay out as long as we do in the summer.  This leads to more time being stuck in the house, which isn't always as exciting.   I'm working on a solution that makes me feel comfortable.

That's my story for the day....Do you let your kids play video games?  Do you limit them? Do you have a funny story you want to share about your little ones?  Leave me a comment here and share it!  It's quite easy if you have a google account of any sort, and you can simply log in and share with me!

As usual, thanks for reading, sharing with your friends, and all of your comments, texts, and emails about my blog!  I'm trying to get everybody to comment here, on this blog, because when I go back and read them the comments make me smile too!  Give it a try!  Thanks!

Discipline isn't a bad thing

The issue of discipline children is one that will always be debated as each family has their own ways of doing things and disciplining in ways that they feel works best.  And that's all fine and dandy.  I personally, was abused as a child, and therefore, I don't believe in hitting kids.  Another reason is that I think that what starts as "small spankings" can easily turn into more when it's one of those days where you are stressed, tired, sick, the kid is just being a terror all day, or whatever.  I think that even people with the best intentions, may one day cross a line that makes them uncomfortable.  But this doesn't in any way mean that I don't believe in discipline.  I think that kids need to understand right  & wrong, and they need to know that if they misbehave, privileges will be taken away or there will be some repercussion for their behavior.  Most of these beliefs that I have come from my own childhood, the gazillion things I've read regarding this, the 'mommy' blogs that I've always loved reading for some reason, "SuperNanny," and things I've witnessed myself from my friends. And no, I sure as hell do not think that I know everything.  And I also know that I will fuck it up when I have my own kids. 

Hylan is really good most of the time.  He listens well.  But he also gets one warning when he's doing something wrong.  And only one warning.  The next time he does it, he's done.  Whatever I said will happen, happens.  And yes, I feel guilty. And I actually hate doing it.  Especially because he generally will then do a mini tantrum.  Run into his room (put himself in time out I guess?! lol), cry, stomp around, come and tell me I'm mean or why I'm wrong or why he wants whatever he wanted, and then it ends.  And we talk about it and we hug and move on.  Did I mention I feel guilty every time?  I do.  I feel like I'm being strict and that he will hate me.  I try to be logical and know that it's helping him.  He needs to learn that there is good and bad, that everything in life won't be his way, that bad behavior or hitting somebody isn't tolerated, etc.   I've found that after a very long day of playing, around 6pm is usually his breaking point.  He gets whiny, and something usually causes a tantrum.  Yesterday, he was playing with the neighbor Devon and Devon suggested a game other than the "Zombies vs whatever" that Hylan wants to play ALL DAY EVERY DAY.  Devon was good, and kept playing with him, he really is a great kid! But eventually he said let's play "whatever" and Hylan walked up to him, pushed him, hit him, and screamed "No." 

I immediately said, "You're done Hylan" and we were going inside.  I had told him already to play nice since he'd already started whining.  So I had my first experience pulling a child from under the outdoor patio table, while he's screaming bloody murder and crying.  It was a good time.  I took him in the house and his little fit lasted about 1 minute.  Then he came out to talk.  We had a nice long talk about hitting as his mom had said he hit her boyfriend too.  I told him he needed to say sorry to Devon next time he saw him.  I explained that people don't like to play with people that hit them.  All that good stuff.  And he's ready to apologize and is hoping Devon will forgive him.  Which I know he will.  (Oh, and did I mention that during all of this, Justin was in the garden, in hearing distance, but didn't once come over!!!  Different story for a different day!  Leaving me to be the "mean" one as I was called!)

But either way, I think this works best.  And the whole point of this writing is actually about what happened when we went to get ice cream.  We were in the place, looking at flavors.  There was a young kid with his gram and mom, and the boy was whining.  There were about 4-5 other people waiting to order.  Then the boy went into a full on fit because of something to do with his ice cream.  This kid was so bad that a few people just walked out.  The staff were just standing there because the mother insisted that her son "use his words" instead of screaming.  This wasn't working.  It was holding up the line and the kid just screamed louder and louder.  And yes, it's probably happened to everybody and one day will happen to me.  But here's the part I don't agree with....and also why I think the child probably acted like a 2 year old when he was clearly 6 or 7...The mother said at least 10 times, "If you don't use your words you won't get ice cream" or "If you don't stop, you won't get ice cream."  This ice cream was already on the counter in front of him.  Apparently the issue was that the cone was also in a cup because it was too soft for a cone only.  He only wanted a cone.  And on and on it went.  The mother never followed up on anything.  The little boy knew he could scream until he got his way.  The gram eventually was scooping the ice cream into the cone to hand him the cone like he wanted.  He still got his ice cream.  And all of this went on while they were paying. 

And we all watched.  Even Hylan noticed it.  And I can promise you, that if that was my child, the ice cream would have gone in the trash (if already made) or cancelled if not.  We would have been out that damn door faster than the speed of light.  And he would not have gotten ice cream, that's a fact.  Does this make me mean?  God, I hope not.  But there probably are people who think that it does.  And that's fine.  I don't want to ever raise children who think screaming gets them anything.  Does anybody?

I just don't get it.  I don't think the kid was bad...the parents were.  Obviously they allow this behavior and will continue to give him whatever he wants, so why should he bother not doing it?  He clearly knows that a tantrum gets him what he wants.  It's quite sad.   And these people probably started off before kids, like me, thinking they'd get it right...so where did it go wrong?!!  I hope it doesn't ever happen to me. 

As usual everybody, thank you for reading!  You can leave me comments and make my day! You can also follow my blog and if so, I believe you get an email when I write something.  I really appreciate the comments I've gotten lately.  So many people were kind and wrote a lot after the last one.  Most were emails, texts, or fb messages.  But you can leave them here too!  Try it out!

Practicing being a mom.....

I'm a practicing mom this week....well sort of.  Hylan is here for a week and since Justin works all day, that means I'm here all day with him.  And to be perfectly honest, I was scared at first.  The fact that I can't drive myself any place bothers me enough when I'm alone, so the thought of having a 4 year old here all day and not being able to go to a park or well, anywhere was pretty damn scary.  But his mom needed a break and since I'm home all day, it was easy for me to help.  I think it's fairly normal for anybody with a 4 year old to want a break sometimes! We have a big yard so there plenty of room for him to play, even if we don't have a ton of toys for him.  I've learned that just running in circles can fascinate him for hours! The rain has put  a little damper on this outdoor play, but it's been clear off and on so he's managed to get out.  We played outside tonight for a while, he helped Justin in the garden last night, and he went fishing last night so it all worked out so far.  And it's not been nearly as stressful as I'd anticipated!  I've found things that he enjoys doing himself, which gives me a little bit of time to do other things...besides answer "how, why, how many,etc." over and over again!

I've learned a lot this week....here are some of the highlights:

1.  A 4 year old can hurt your feelings if you care about him! Here's what happened:  I was going to read him a bedtime story, then told Justin he should come too and we'd take turns.  Once it was my turn to read Hylan started crying, saying he only wanted his dad to read.  And yes, I acted almost as immature as I sulked out of the room...thinking "Well, you better hope you don't want anything to eat tomorrow until your dad gets home tomorrow from work!"  Good job on being the mature one Loriann!
2. A 4 year old can also make you feel great, by saying the most unexpected and sweet things.  Here's a few: The morning after the reading incident, when we woke up he told me I was very pretty and gave me a hug!  Apparently when my hair is sticking in every direction, and my mascara is where my blush should go, I am pretty!  If only I'd learned this years ago!   He also told me today that I made the best chicken in the world and the potatoes and broccoli were great too!  Awww...isn't that sweet! He tells me I'm nice, asks for hugs, snuggles with me, and says thank you everyday!  (He may be ahead of his dad in this category!)
3. Kids eat a lot of freakin' food :  I started putting small amount on his plate...but I think this week he's going through some sort of growth spurt.  He can eat a lot! I give him a good sized plate, about as big as mine, and he eats it all.  And he's great about fruits, vegetables, milk, and all the other shit that he should  eat and drink.  He actually does!  He just eats it constantly.  It shocks me because about an hour and a half after eating he wants a snack! He's actually hungry again.  Where do kids put all this food? I'm not sure, I think it's one of those great mysteries, and the fact that he's growing....either way, I'm just happy he's not one of those picky pain in the ass kids that only eats 4 things! He had chicken tonight that was a tad spicy and although he noticed it, he thought it was good!
4. Ignoring the tantrums really does work!  The tantrums in question, ONLY happen occasionally, and ONLY when Justin is home. I'm not sure exactly why.  Maybe it's that I'm generally the one that makes the rules, and he's used to being with his mom, so he listens better to women? Maybe he's just testing his dad to see what he will do.  Whatever the reason, if he doesn't get his way and he is a little cranky, he will stomp off and pout.  And I let him.  He generally goes into his room and within 2-3 minutes he comes out, all better, and smiling like the great little boy he is.  I make it a point to discuss what happened when he  comes out, why he didn't get what he wanted, and I make him apologize.  And it works!  Did I say that yet???  He gets over it all by himself and carries on with the day!
5. Kids wake up early and any mom who says her kid doesn't watch tv lies!   Ok, I don't know if that second part is actually fact, but I do know that the cartoons that are on in the morning save my life.  I am not a morning person and I don't sleep well at night.  Generally, Justin gets up for work, (waking me 20 times for various things that I don't care to remember), then leaves.  I fall back to sleep for about 20 minutes, then I hear the little foot steps coming and the cute little "I'm hungry." And I get up and so begins the day.  But as I sit there in that awful morning fog, trying to put out something for breakfast that is good for him, will fill him up, and is not too advanced for my morning skill level, he is glued to his cartoons.  And I'm okay with that.  This is how mornings start.  While he eats his breakfast, watching cartoons, I lay on the couch and try to wake up and become a functioning, coherent member of society.  
6. I'm not sure what's worse...Justin or Hylan, but I think Justin is:  Hylan listens to me when I say to take his shoes off outside on the porch so he doesn't track mud in the house.  Justin...not so much.   Hylan listens when I ask him not to run through the house, because socks and hard wood floors equal falls and stitches.  I'd prefer not to go to the ER anytime soon.  Justin thinks it's a great idea that he chases Hylan through the house in those damn socks.  (The yard just aren't big enough apparently!)  Although Justin is quite good at understanding my "What the fuck are you doing? And why are you doing  the opposite of what I tell him all day" look.  So I guess that's good.  Hylan understands quiet time and when it's almost bed time he knows it's time to settle down for bed.  Justin thinks it's a great idea to play monster when he puts him to bed at night.  I sit here, listening to the giggling and screaming from the bedroom.  Honestly, it's really cute.  And I love watching Justin play with him.  And it makes Hylan so happy.  It's not the end of the world that he does the opposite of what I try to get into Hylan's head all day long, but I worry that he will get confused.  And I just know that one day the "Dad lets me" will come out. (At which point Justin will get the phone call where his life is threatened!)
7. Kids are messy...another one that's not a shocker!  Hylan is traumatized by two things..one is his hands being dirty and the other is water in his eyes.  Not even soap....just the water itself is enough to freak him the hell out.  It's amusing when I'm giving him a bath & rinsing his hair. I tell him NOT to touch his eyes as it's just water and will dry.  He continually rubs his hands, that are full of soap, into his eyes.  And now, there is soap in your eyes buddy!!  And the handwashing....my god, this kid wants to wash his hands 100x a day! During his lunch, he stops eating, just to ask if he can wash his hands when he's done!  It cracks me up.  But it's not the worst habit that's for sure! The amount of dirty clothes he's collected in 4 days is shocking!  The amount of stickiness on all things in my house is also shocking! ANd the poops...well, his poops are scary, but if you read my facebook you already know.  And yes, I've gotten better at helping him wipe.  I no longer gag!  I'm considering that a big step in the right direction!
8. It's not easy....although I've never thought it was...but I'm just making it clear again.  He is a great little kid.  But he's a little kid.  And sometimes the constant questions are down right annoying.  Maybe it's because I don't have all the answers? Maybe it's because "Like one million" just annoys me after hearing it as the "amount" for anything?  Who knows.  But it does get old sometimes.  And when Justin gets home, the first thing I want to do is go sit on the porch alone for a little bit before making dinner.  I just don't have the same amount of energy as this boy does, that's for sure!

But really, it's been fun!  My neighbor Misty has been nice and helped me if I am unsure about something, or just need to vent so I don't scream.  And she has a little girl, and tomorrow we are going to the park!  I'm quite excite too. I'm really looking forward to talking to an adult for a little bit!!  

So that's my story so far!  It's been fun, much more than I'd expected.  It's an adjustment, that's for sure, but it's also nice seeing somebody so happy and positive every day!  And don't get me wrong, I have a ton of respect for all you that have multiple kids, jobs, and do this every freakin' day.  I know that I have one big plus going for me, and that is that he is going back to his mom's house in a few days! If it gets really bad, I remind myself of that!