Friday, March 16, 2012

You can't make a ho a housewife?

You can't make a ho a housewife?

I will give all credit for the title of this to my friend Francine.  She is the one that gave me this quote once upon  a time and I like it,so I'm using it!

Right now, since I'm not working, I've decided that I'm a 'practicing housewife' without the kids...or ring....but you know...practicing. 

I'm not exactly sure what a housewife should do on a daily basis.  I have a feeling I'm not quite cut out for this lifestyle.  I mean, I really enjoying doing nothing but things I want to do all day.  I can read books, watch brain numbing tv shows, do my homework, and NAP.  I love napping.  But something tells me that there is more to this actual housewife thing. I know there are many women out there who would read this, appalled and disgusted at me.  They'd go on and on about what a housewife actually does, and tell me I don't know what I"m talking about.  Well, no shit I don't....That's why I'm practicing.

I'm going to use myself a case study to decide if you can make a ho a housewife!  I think I may be doing okay!  I don't go out everynight like I used.  I rarely party anymore.  I read books, get the mail, do homework, cook, etc.  Basically, I'm a boring version of what I used to me.  I still wear totally inappropriate outfits while I do these things, so I'm not totally lost :-)  And I'm ok with it.  I could even say I like and enjoy this more peaceful life I live.  I like sitting at night on the couch with the boy....each of us reading a different book until one of us falls asleep.  Ugh...I'm so boring. I swore this wouldn't happen to me.  But I also swore I would never become a borderline fat chick...and look what happened there.  I guess I am wrong sometimes!

Onto the case study:

Here's what I just got from wikipedia, I will use this description of a housewife in my analysis of how I'm doing:

"Housewife is a term used to describe a married woman whose main occupation is running the family home—caring for her children, cooking, cleaning, etc.—and who does not work outside the home[1]. Merriam Webster describes a housewife as a married woman who is in charge of her household."

  1. Married Woman:  I'm already failing here since I'm not married. Hmm...  (-1)
  2. Caring for Children: Ummm, yea...don't have those either, but I have my cats.  Maybe they count?  They are continually following me around, wanting attention, crying, wanting to be fed, played with, etc. Does this count?  In my book it does and I say this just so I don't become a total failure as a housewife.
  3. Cooking:  Well, I do cook sometimes.  I'm not incredibly good at it.  But I don't burn everything and I haven't given anybody food poisoning. So I guess I pass this test.  Plus, I've been trying to cook every night.  And I've been trying new things.  Last week, I think I cooked almost every night!  One night was sheppards pie, then chicken (with crispy skin too!! that was big!), then macaroni salad to go with the burger the boy cooked on the grill, and I'm pretty sure I made a few other things I can't remember right now.  
  4. Cleaning:  Well, my house doesn't look like a bomb went off.  The dishes are clean, the counters are clean, the laundry is folded and put away most of the time.  But there is dust. And I could probably do better.  But damn, who the hell wants to clean?  We've had some great days, and I'd prefer to sit by the water in the sun and read a book! And then on these dreary, rainy days? Everybody knows they were made for being lazy.  Laying on the couch, watching movies, napping, etc.  I don't want to ruin this tradition by cleaning!
  5. Etc:  Umm, I don't know what that means!  When the boy comes home should I be waiting in a lacey outfit & hooker heels?  Ready to drag him to the bedroom and show how grateful I am that he worked all day and came home to me? Oh yea baby.  Quick...we have 15 minutes until dinner is ready! Not sure if I'm totally failing may be a matter of opinion....some days I do this....not often though.  Usually if I did something really bad during the day and I know the boy might kill me!

But it also says a woman who is in charge of her home!  I think I got this one down!  I am a housewife!  

So I guess maybe you can make a ho a housewife??!!! 


  1. I applaud you for being a practicing housewife. Most of us are just thrown into this roll the day our first child is born. I feel that you will be more advanced than most housewives as you are already ahead of the game and prepared for when the day comes that you are a real housewife. For example when your friends text you and want you to join them at the bar you can say to yourself with all honesty "who is texting me after 9:00? What losers. They don't even know that the Voice is on" as you put your arms back in your snuggie.
    Also on the subject of considering your pets to be children. And this is only my opinion...I figure its ok to treat your cat like a child but unless you had the opportunity to breast feed it at some point, you probably should not consider it your child. Unless in the case of adoption but I believe I just read something about a medicine that makes women able to lactate giving them the ability to breast feed their adopted child..but I digress.
    I love your blogs and look forward to reading them in hopes that you can answer my question. More importantly, can you make a housewife a ho???

  2. I'm happy you agree with me practicing Michelle. Practice makes perfect.
    Note--I may have breastfed sunshine. It wasn't on purpose. But well, it kind of felt good....umm...ok, I think I'm going off topic. I believe breastfeeding actually hurts, so maybe I'm confused.
    As for making a housewife a ho....I have extensive experience in that field. Only a few of them have led to divorce. For the most part, they've led to men being happy their hot wives are coming home looking all sexy, drunk, and fired up. This is not the case if you are puking. Please note the difference.

  3. Good point Rambling girl. I think that when you are a ho before becoming a housewife you are experienced at looking sexy, drunk, and fired up but not puking. However, when you make a housewife a ho, she lacks the drinking skills and there is a greater chance she will get sick after a night of drinking. I conclude that it is better to turn a ho into a housewife than to turn a housewife into a ho.

  4. LIttle blonde...good points, but let's not discourage Mich cuz it's my aunt can be done. We can do it!