Thursday, March 22, 2012

Seriously?? It's good I love him!

I haven't had much to write about lately.  I haven't felt very well the last few days and really haven't had much ambition to do anything besides the bare necessities.   But today, Justin has really given me material....and if I didn't love him so much, I guarantee he'd be in the lake behind my house....with a cinder block tied to his ankle.  (note: I can say this because he always says one day he may do it to me!) haha...I just told him this as he annoyed me again while I'm writing and he says, "Honey, my ankle with the metal in it? That's mean!"  So let me clarify, I will tie the cinder block to the other ankle, if it ever comes to it.

Let's begin with the morning....
The alarm goes off continually.  Now really, I shouldn't bitch because I am quickly awakened by it, then I just roll over and go back to bed.  But this morning, I couldn't take it.  He just wouldn't shut the damn thing off and he has the LOUDEST alarm clock ever made.  Plus it's on my side of the bed, so I'm closer. 

Bang, bang, bang...I continually hit the buttons at the top because I don't know where the snooze button is...and I just want it to stop making that hideous noise.  (Also, I thought everybody used cell phones as their alarm clock now anyway!)  Finally, it stops.  Peace at last.  And I drift back to sleep.  I'm sleeping for what seems like 5 minutes (and is really over an hour) when I hear Justin jump up yelling, "Honey, shit, I'm late!  Please get up and help me! I'm late."  

I jump up, confused.  Help you? What do you want me to do, dress you? (He is not at all a morning person, so everything is pretty much ready for him to quickly go!)   I'm awake, but bleary eyed...being that I don't sleep at night, I've only slept about 1-2 hours when his alarm goes off.  And off to "help" I go.  I put on the coffee, pour his juice, set out his vitamins & 2 Motrin (which are right above the coffee pot mind you), and put his phone, keys, cigarettes, and lunch all in one neat place. Lastly, I "stirred" his coffee as requested. Back to bed I go.   

But that's not good enough.  He insists I stay away until he leaves...and continually tell him where everything is, even though it's all clearly in one spot that is right in front of him.  He scurries around, making jokes, and being goofy....I'm pretty sure he was just trying to keep me up as long as possible.  Finally he leaves.  This whole process took about 16 minutes.  

Back to bed I go...
And I lay there.  Tossing & turning.  I'm wide awake.  My eyes are burning from exhaustion and my stomach is doing this flip flop thing that I'm not enjoying one bit.  Sometime around noon, I take a small nap for about an 2 hours.  Yay.

I wake up and try to be productive, run some errands, etc.  But I am not feeling well and I'm trying to find the correct way to puke while driving down the road and be graceful doing it.  Is there one??  I'm pretty sure I need to know what it is.

Sometime around 5pm I realize I haven't heard from him all day, which is unusual.  I call.  I get voicemail.  I text.  No response.  By 6:30 I'm a little worried because he should be done working by now and it's odd that he hasn't been in touch all day.  I send the "I'm worried text," call again, and get no response.  I think this was mostly because I wasn't feeling well as it is, but I start to think of all the bad things that could have happened, etc.  He finally calls and says he's on his way home.  I mention that maybe he should check his text message.  JERK! 

In he walks, asking if I feel better, which I do not.  I mention that I bought him some drumsticks that he wanted, and also got hamburg.  Being that I don't feel well, nothing sounds good to me, so I tell him to choose.  He says he wants a burger and drumsticks.  Really?? One isn't good enough?  

Uh Oh...I run to the bathroom again...I'm not feeling so well....and I hear him from the living room, clearly oblivious as to what is happening....
"Honey, can you get everything ready for me to grill while you are up?"

Yea, sure...let me get a bucket to put on the counter next to me (just in case) and I will get right to making dinner. 

I suggest we only have burgers (which I am daring to consider eating), because I have perfectly enough hamburg for 3 burgers.  Maybe the chicken tomorrow instead?  This way I don't have 1 burger left over....what the hell will I do with one single burger?

"But I really want chicken too," he whines.  Fine.  Whatever.  I just want to lay down, so whatever.  I make 2 burgers, put one away, and have the chicken in my hand.

 "Honey, forget it, I don't have enough charcoal.  Just make the burgers."  
Away goes the chicken, out comes the hamburg again.  And I start making the last burger. 
"Actually, honey, I will just use the gas grill.  I will have the chicken.  So just one burger & 2 drumsticks." 
Seriously? I'm laughing by this point, because he doesn't even realize that's he's annoying the living hell out of me and I do not feel well at all.  He's smiling and happy, so I have to be smiling too because he's cute.  

As I give him the meat to put on the grill, he gives me 20 questions about my seasoning.  Did I put the right stuff in?  Is there enough?  Did I use the dry rub he likes?  I tell him everything is perfect, and come to sit down and write.  

But every time I's something else.
"Honey, the buns aren't ready".....I open the bag, pull out 2, and hand them to him.  The buns are ready. 
I sit.
"Honey, can you slice some onions"  I slice some onions.  Then sit.  Again.
"Honey, what are we having as a side?"  I suggest macaroni salad I made, chips, pickles, whatever.  And try to write again.
"Honey, do we have any baked beans left?"  I get up. Look in the cabinet, yes, we do.  I grab the can, and reach for a pan.  
"Actually, forget it.  I don't want them." 

ARE YOU SERIOUS?????????????   I want to scream, but don't.  I simply ask if there is anything else, since I'm UP...AGAIN....and every time I sit, he wants something.  

In he walks, "Honey, here's your burger.  And it's perfect.  So put that in your damn blog!"  Don't you worry honey....I will....and everything leading up to it. 

But the burger was good....or at least the 4 bites I had were.....

And now he's eating.  Happy.  And quiet.  Smiling like a little kid looking at me and I can't be annoyed with him anymore.  But I am buying a cinder block.


  1. "put that in your damn blog" hahaha. I think its amazing that you didn't snap at him, and you got up and helped with whatever he "needed." Someone I used to know would stay in bed and yell obscenities, or just order takeout. I can tell you really love him.

  2. forget where I live. I can't order takeout! LoL
    Im not sure he really knows what a blog is so its very funny that he said that!
    But yea, annoying or not, I do love him. He makes me smile & makes me happy. And he puts up with me!

  3. Bwahahahaaaa! That was hilarious. You are so much more patient than I am! Dude,it is so hard playing both the role of sick person and healthy person... it's like being drunk and being the designated driver.... so funny.. love it.

  4. Oh my Goodness that made me laugh. I could totally relate though. You want to be helpful at the same time you want to bite their head off and say do it yourself.